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[ He's gotten better at calming her down, or maybe Mary's gotten better at stopping herself from crying herself into hysterics.

... No, he's gotten better at calming her down. It's still a few embarrassing moments of sniffling and coughing to try and clear the regrets from her throat, but when he squeezes her hand, she quiets. Her fingers are trembling-- still, she tries to squeeze back, acknowledgment. ]

I just... memories are all I have, of some people. [ People lost to her, forever. She swallows hard against the tightness in her throat and continues, somewhat thickly-- ] I made a promise to myself, that I'd never forget my friends. Everyone who means something... but then I did.

And I don't know how to keep them safe now. If I forget everything again... it's a really scary thing to think about. I think me forgetting them... must have hurt some people, too.

[he'll take what little he can get. it seems like... he's helping at least a little. he wishes he was better at this, but it's just so far out of his knowledge banks.

so he just keeps going with what he feels, and hopes it's enough.]

They'll all understand... you couldn't control it. You didn't know it was going to happen. None of your friends... they know you wouldn't forget them on purpose.

[maybe it hurt a little, but roxas himself had mostly been concerned with helping her get her memories back. it was scary to not have memories, roxas knows that.]

They probably wanted to help you too. They'll be happy... that you can remember them now.

[ She remembers - now that she can remember - how it had felt when Xion hadn't known who she was at all. How she'd experienced a baffling mixture of hurt and the need to reassure, because even if Xion didn't hold the same memories she did, she was still free from that terrifying place. She was safe.

There's truth in Roxas' words-- even if she didn't trust him completely, she's been on the other side of things. She hadn't blamed Xion at all.

(Xion also hadn't thrown herself into enclosures with dangerous alien lifeforms and flung herself off of buildings, that guilty part of her is quick to point out.) ]

I'll have to say sorry to them, too. I just thought, for this... [ She'd gesture around them, but one hand is still clutching Roxas' like a lifeline, and the other still has ice cream. ] I shouldn't keep you waiting anymore. You've done enough for me.

We're friends, Mary. I don't think there's such a thing as "too much" when it comes to helping friends. I know if I lost my memories, you'd do the same thing.

[he's just telling it like it is. roxas isn't concerned with apologies; he knows already what it's like to lose the memory of someone dear to him. when his memories of xion faded so suddenly, when he'd been watching as she returned to sora without even knowing who she was...

there was still something in him that felt the pain of losing her, there was still something there to remind him of what was important. and when those memories came back way too late, he felt awful for forgetting his best friend. so he knows all too well the way she has to feel. maybe it's even worse than what he felt, because she has the heart to truly feel with.]

I would. [ It's a very easy thing to admit. It was never a good feeling when something bad happened to your friends, and knowing there was a wealth of memories hidden somewhere inside of her that she hadn't been able to access... it had been frustrating, to say the least.

And scary. Just recalling that confusing, fathomless emptiness, and the brief glimpses of hurt on her friends' faces-- it's enough to make a shudder run down from her shoulders to the tips of her toes. No, she definitely doesn't want to relive that again. ]

I think I'd panic more than you did, though. And I'd never want you to have to... lose something like that, anyway. It really is as scary as losing somebody.

[ And she'd told him before, hadn't she? That losing people frightened her more than anything. ]

I know.

[he says those words quietly. he knows how scary it is; he knows how upset he was when those memories flooded back to him, and he knows how hard he's had to fight this whole time for those memories to not fade any further.

maybe cerealia's made him luck out in that it seems to negate the memories slipping further, and maybe it's partially because xion is here now, but it's not as if he can forget that drowning feeling of knowing there are important things to remember that he just... can't.

hasn't that been most of his existence anyway?]

I know what it's like... to lose someone. And I know what it's like not to remember them, either.

... You do?

[ If her expression shows way too much surprise-- well, she is. She's pretty sure for the two months that she's known Roxas - and she'd met him when he'd first arrived, hadn't she? - that he hadn't ever seemed... forgetful. Or like he'd suddenly lost someone. But if he'd forgotten, maybe he wouldn't have felt the loss?

Or maybe this was something that had happened before?

Mary wants to ask, she really does, but their friendship hasn't come this far because they'd tried to pry into each other's lives. She meets his eyes uncertainly, but that's it. He can continue if he wants. If he doesn't... that's also fine. ]

Yeah. Some things happened back then... and I forgot someone important to me.

[it was a while ago now—or at least, it feels like that sometimes. over two months, and with how things go in cerealia, it's easy for it to feel like longer. but the pain of that time still sticks with him.

he elects not to say it's xion that he forgot. he's not ready to talk about that part yet, even if it comes up later in the conversation.]

So I know what it's like.

[ She didn't want him to know what it was like, honestly. Sharing experiences and achieving an understanding with friends... that sort of thing was important, but knowing that Roxas had felt the same bewildered pain that she had felt? ]

I'm sorry. [ Maybe there was no point in saying that, but Mary truly feels an ache in her chest, like a more prolonged sting from how sharply she feels it. He shouldn't have had to feel that. And, almost like him, she's not entirely sure what would be a comforting gesture here. Tell him to eat his ice cream before it melted completely? Talk about it more?

She glances down at their hands, and squeezes his fingers, thumb passing over the back of his hand. Maybe it's just that, letting him know she's here too. ]

I'm okay.

[and he is. xion's here now, and he does remember much of what he'd forgotten, so... it's okay. this shouldn't even be about him anyway, when mary was the one who was having such a hard time with things.

so he offers her a small smile.]

We both remember now, so... it's okay. For the both of us.

... Yeah. I'll have to just find a way so that neither of us have to forget anything like that again.

[ Easier said than done, and she doesn't look all that convinced, but... if there's a way, she'll look. ]

Right. I think once was enough for both of us.

[he'll try too, because he really doesn't want mary to have to go through that again. after seeing her cry that way just a few minutes ago... he doesn't want to see anything happen that will make her react like that. it makes his chest hurt in a way he's not sure he'd ever be able to put into words.]

[ Heartburn. Affects the best of us. ]

It... definitely was. It all kind of feels like a bad dream, except at the time, I didn't even know how bad it was.

[ Mary. Don't squeeze his hand too tightly, you should probably let go now. ]

Yeah... I guess that's exactly what it's like. But it's over now so... try not to worry about it too much.

[he doesn't seem to mind, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze in return. it's the least he can do—maybe it's all he can do. but it seems like she needs it, so he won't make the motion to let go until she's ready.]

[ She might not be ready for a good few hours, if the ball's left in her court. But first, the ice cream she's finally remembering to eat, heaving a sigh that's much too large for something who is not so large at all. ]

... I don't think I remember how not to worry right now.

[oh, right. ice cream.

it's a rare occurrence for roxas to forget about ice cream when it's in his hands, but his concern for mary somehow completely trumped that. before he takes a bite from his, he reiterates a point he'd started to make before.]

You don't have to worry. Everyone will just be relieved you're back to yourself now... I'm sure of it.

[ Roxas... don't forget your ice cream, you're going to make Mary even more concerned. ]

I want to believe that. [ With every fiber of her being-- another bite, though. She's trying to eat it before it melts this time, at least, and she mumbles the next bit around the ice cream. ]

But I think Styx-san might actually hate me.

[ And that... that hurts. ]

What? Why... do you say that?

[he looks at her, puzzled as he pulls the ice cream away from his mouth. he doesn't know styx, or even who that is but... who could hate mary? like seriously, who could hate her?

he doesn't like the sound of this at all.]

... [ Give her a minute to finish this melting misery of an ice cream bar before she clears her throat and shifts, a bit uncomfortably. ]

He told me I was a medusa, and when I asked what that was, he said... a 'horrifying monster. A terrifying beast'.

And I... didn't know he thought that way about me.

[ It hurts much more now that she remembers never wanting to be a monster, the discrimination she'd faced, and that Styx had understood her, being different-- she'd thought. ]

He... what?

[roxas tenses almost immediately—who would say something like that to her? mary struggled so much with the idea of being a monster, something she absolutely wasn't, medusa or not.

it makes him angry to think about. even if she couldn't remember at the time, even if it wasn't hurtful then... didn't this person think about how she'd feel when she remembered? who would want to be called those things. a horrifying monster? a terrifying beast?

he clenches his jaw tightly.]

You're not either of those things. Not at all.

There were so many years where I thought I was... I mean, that had to be the reason, right? That I couldn't go outside, that I lost my mother... that even if I didn't want to be--

[ But she was. Medusae were terrifying snake monsters, who could shatter a human with a single glance. Even Mary herself had been scared, hearing what her family could do, what she was capable of.

Her friends, both in her world and here, had accepted her, though. Even if she wasn't human. Even if they had seen what she could do. Even if she still wakes up, drenched in cold sweat and shivering out a scream, because there had been dead bodies at her feet and she had known it was because of what she was. It had been her fault.

The renewed burn behind her eyelids makes her lift her free hand, rubbing somewhat viciously at her eyes. No, she doesn't want to cry again. ]

... I j-just want to be Mary. To you, to everyone else. B-but if I tell him that, and he calls me a beast again, I...

[ She couldn't take that. ]

You're you. No matter what anyone else tells you, okay?

[he's trying to so hard to hold back how angry he is about it. it lights a fury in him, because mary is one of the nicest, mostly gentle and genuine people he's ever met. and maybe something about her ability could be considered monstrous; maybe somewhere, in some world, medusae are terrible creatures that need to be stopped.

but not mary.

definitely not mary, who tries so hard to just be. she wants to be herself, just a girl... it's something roxas actually can understand in a way that maybe others couldn't. but because of that, he feels so much more strongly about the idea of someone testing her identity like that. whoever this guy is, if roxas runs into him? it's gonna be bad news. he kind of wants to seek him out just to give him a piece of his mind.

he can't do that though, not right now. because he can't leave mary alone like this. he doesn't know how to bring her comfort, or how to assure her.]

Don't listen to them... to anyone who says you're not. You're Mary, you're not a monster, or a beast.

[he's so mad. he's so mad.]

[ He may not know how to comfort her, or how to soothe the turmoil that rises up without warning, so thick and painful she thinks she could choke on it. But he's here. He's here, and his hand is still clutching hers, and even if he's said it before... even if he shouldn't have to say it again-- the way he says it, with fierce conviction, like there's no room for argument, is what helps her.

He... seems angry. Is it her imagination? She can't remember seeing Roxas like this before. Worried, yes. Serious, in a battle. But not like this.

She scrubs at her eyes one last time, blinks back the tears, because no. He doesn't need to see her cry any more today. She really has worried him, more than enough. ]

Roxas... [ It's all she says, somewhat helplessly, because there really are no words to express everything she wants to say. She'd just stumble over them anyway.

Thank you for always seeing me as me.

Thank you for caring.

Thank you for just... being. ]

[he draws in a quiet breath; he's definitely still angry. but because he can't just leave her here to seek out the person that would call her a monster and say things that so deliberately would hurt her... he has to calm down.

it's hard though, because roxas isn't good at holding back what he feels.

it'd upset her to let that show too much though, right? he can handle figuring out the rest of it on his own time. so he doesn't say anything for now, just giving her hand another reassuring squeeze. he's pretty sure this is all he even can do, anyway. he's so far out of his league when it comes to dealing with other people's emotions. he's ill-equipped for it in every regard, so what little he does now has to suffice.]

[ It takes several quietly deep breaths to ease that heavy urge to cry out of her body, and with every inhale comes the memory of a promise-- the exhale, their linked pinkies. He'd been with her for each and every one of those promises, and the gentle pressure against her fingers is a firm reminder: she's not alone.

Right now, with Roxas, she can be Mary without having to try. ]

... [ One more breath, and she squeezes back, offering him a tremulous smile. ]

Thank you.

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