[there's a really long pause before he texts back; he's not sure how to explain it at all. he's also not really sure he wants to explain it, but if there's one person in cerealia he's willing to tell the truth to beyond mary? it's definitely hiro.]
It's... kind of complicated. It's really complicated, actually...
It might not make it make more sense but it'll make it better. That's usually how it works. So...that milkshake place? Or the actual ice cream parlor? They're both pretty easy to get to.
[If it helps it's not like Hiro knows how to cope half the time either, but he's going to help him. He's already decided that.]
Good point. I'm already on my way, I'll meet you outside.
[There's apparently no argument here. He's already on his way to Roxas and the ice cream parlor and trying to figure out what, exactly, could be wrong with his friend.]
[this is fine. roxas has only been off his shift for a few minutes—short enough a time that turning back to the shop is only a couple of minutes walk for him. so he'll just do that, sitting on a bench outside meant for customers (of which there are few right now) and playing some tatris.]
[There's a rolling sound first. That'll be Roxas's first clue that Hiro's approaching as the wheels spin on the sidewalk and he brings the skateboard to a gentle stop in front of the blond boy on the bench. He leans forward to look at Roxas's screen, waiting until he finishes the round before he grins down at him.
He's still suspicious of what's going on, sure, but he'll let Roxas go his own pace for once.]
[that won't take too long, since the sound of the skateboard will be enough of a distraction along with thew knowing that hiro is there to break his concentration. it's not that big of a deal, but losing still sucks.
he scrunches his nose a bit as he looks up at hiro.] Gotta do something to pass the time, right?
[he's pretty sure strangers aren't going to be paying all that much attention to their conversation, and even if they do? they're not really going to get it anyway.
he barely gets it, and it's his own life. but staying in the shop seems like a bad idea—his coworkers are there, after all. and working with someone like leon generally means he's not the most willing to spilling his life story.]
You mentioned that sea salt ice cream, right? Think we can get those? [...he's curious okay. But still, he's getting comfortable on the bench and he's patiently waiting, mentally prepping himself for the worst case scenario for whatever Roxas wants to tell him.] Doesn't sound like a bad plan.
[it sells pretty well, but it's not flying out of the case or anything. so he'll nod as he motions to stand.] I'll be right back.
[and off he goes into the abyss. or, you know, the shop. it only takes him a couple of minutes anyway before he's back and holding out a bar of sea-salt ice cream for hiro. the benefits at working there are very real.]
[And Roxas was never heard from aga--okay no. It's not that long and Hiro's scrolling through the network when Roxas comes back. He looks up, blinking at the suspiciously-blue ice cream before taking it, cautiously eyeing it even as Roxas settles back in.]
Thanks. [But he's still. Just. Staring at it. And not eating it.] ...so...what exactly happened?
—okay, maybe roxas doesn't say that, but he is looking on a little expectantly as he takes a bite of his own.
of course, hiro jumps right into the heavier topic, so there's not much time to just savor it. but at least roxas doesn't hesitate to answer, even if his expression shifts pretty quickly, and so done his tone.]
It's a long story... a really long story. [he pauses for a moment, and then admits:] There's a lot most people don't know about me.
[You're not his parent, you can't tell him what to do! But he gets that the look is basically "eat your ice cream" so he takes a tentative bite out of the bar.
It's hard to say if that flinch is a reaction to the salty taste or what Roxas says, but beyond that he doesn't comment. Wrinkling his nose, he looks at the ice cream again before he focuses again.
Somewhere in the back of his head, he remembers something Mary told him once.
"I've known him as long as I've known you. And I'm not his best friend, but... I want to help him, more than anything. There's just... I can't solve his problems. They're really complicated... "
Is this it? Is this why?]
I always figured there was kind of a reason you never really talked about yourself. But…what kind of things?
[if it weren't for the fact that they're in the midst of a more serious conversation, there's no doubt that roxas would be snickering at hiro's reaction to the ice cream. —he'll have to save it for later though, because if he lets himself get distracted, then he may never spit out what he has to say.
and hiro is another person who deserves to know, right? now that roxas himself understands a little more than he did when he first arrived in cerealia, and now that he also knows the organization aren't an immediate threat on his head if he talks about it.]
I guess... [okay, this is as hard to say as it was when he told mary. maybe even hard, because while he likes and trusts hiro a lot, he also isn't as comfortable with him as he is with her. roxas and his issues, the true life struggle.]
The easiest way to put it is that... I'm not really human. [which is putting it lightly and honestly, he's not even sure if that technically counts as true.]
[He's still biting on the ice cream bar, watching Roxas closely as he preps himself to deliver the news. When it comes though, it's not entirely what Hiro was expecting, though it does make things a lot more clear.
Normal people would probably be shocked by the reveal. Normal people would probably have a lot of questions. But Hiro Hamada's been anything but normal most of his life, and the fact that there are several people he's close to in the colony that also aren't human doesn't hurt either.]
...which means what, exactly? You're doing a pretty good job passing off as one. [It's about as non-judgmental as he can make it, but it's something very curious instead.]
[at the very least, cerealia has taught him that a lot of people may not be fazed by that part, since there are a lot of people around who aren't quite human. but there's so much more to it than that, and there are parts that are definitely going to be a bit more surprising.]
Well, that's... where it gets more complicated. [he says, and that's where roxas sucks in a breath. this is the hard part of telling people what he is.
really, mary's the only person he's told—riku already knows, and when xion was around, she obviously had known too. but it never really came up otherwise and roxas hadn't advertised it at all because he was so wary about sharing it—both because of what people may think, and because he was concerned about the organization being on his tail.
which is a non-issue at this point.]
I'm... a Nobody. Someone who isn't meant to exist. What's left... of a person's body when they lose their heart. [obviously, there's still so much more, including the revelation that has shaken is whole worldview. but what he is or has now doesn't change what he's been for the last year and a half or so, what he's identified as and known himself to be.]
...that...explains a lot, he thinks, and he pulls the ice cream away and gives Roxas a quizzical frown as he puzzles that out. How can a person live without a heart? Does that make Roxas just a shell of someone else? No, that wouldn't make sense. Roxas is...Roxas.]
But you're your own person. How can you be leftovers from someone else? [He shakes his head.] I get it, someone can lose their heart to the darkness or have it eaten by those Heartless things or whatever but where do you fit into this? [Xion told him a little bit, but nothing like this.]
[he gives hiro a brief look at the mentions of heartless and losing things to the darkness, but it doesn't take much to figure out that hiro had probably talked to xion or riku about it. he won't ask, because really? it's not important in the grand scheme of things.]
I don't know, not really. I don't really know anything about the him... I only exist because of him, but I don't remember anything before I was "born." Other Nobodies remember their original lives, so... it's different.
[he never said this would be easy to make sense of, that's for sure.] All I know is that when he became a heartless, I was "born" a Nobody, just like the others. I don't remember much from then either though, the first... week or so, I was kind of just a zombie. I couldn't even remember people's names even if they told me a hundred times.
[he's his own person now, but he wasn't back then.] The only reasons I can be me now and not him, I think that's because of what I found out a little while back.
[he'll get it all out there eventually. this is still really tough on roxas to talk about, though.]
[Patience usually isn't his strong point, but he recognizes when someone's having trouble talking about something and because Roxas is a friend...he waits. He lets him talk, processing carefully. He can believe all of that. He can buy Roxas being a zombie and not knowing things back then because of his lack of understanding of a lot of things now. He wants to ask who "him" is, but...maybe it doesn't matter. It's the guy Roxas was born from, but he's not Roxas. He's not his friend. So...it doesn't matter.]
Maybe it's not worth remembering if they're not really your memories. What's the point when you can make your own, you know? [Another bite of ice cream.] But...what did you find out anyway?
Yeah. I still want to know a lot of things. But now... after a lot happened, I don't think I want to know that other "me."
[it's something he's struggled with for a while—wanting to know more about sora, wanting to know why he was burdened with the keyblade, wanting to know how and why he has to exist.
but in cerealia, things are a bit different. he has friends that have nothing to do with the organization, the heartless, or that past self. he has a job he has fun with, he has things to look forward to and be excited about, and he has things to fight for that are his own.
the more time he spends away from that life, the more he realizes he doesn't need it. his own best friends had betrayed him or left him; he had nothing to go back to and with all the lies that had been told, would he even want to? he can go to any world he can learn how to get to on his own anyway—so with friends like mary and hiro, he'd much rather press forward and fight for that cause. for his own life, for his own memories... for being himself.]
What I found out, though...
It's true, that Nobodies are born without hearts. We had a reason to fight for them... so we could really exist and have a place to belong. [he sucks in a breath, and then more quietly adds:]
He told me that the body tries to replace a heart is lost, though. That... even though I didn't have one before... Now, I do. Even though my boss and all the other Nobodies said we still didn't. All of us...
[which, for all intents and purposes is a good thing, but it's also a really heavy topic and one he still hasn't totally come to terms with. it's kind of a big deal to learn that everything you've ever known isn't quite true, and something you'd been trained from your earliest memory to attain has been there in a place you couldn't see right inside of you.]
[That makes sense. Roxas discovering he has a heart...he thinks he understands enough. He understands what it's like to believe one thing only to have that disproven. It's enough to make anyone's head spin and he can understand why it's such a big deal for his friend.
He doesn't know how many Nobodies Roxas is speaking for, but it sounds like quite a few. He considers that quietly before he speaks in a quieter tone.]
...in a way? Guess that makes sense. [Another small nibble to his ice cream.] Did you know that some species of starfish can regrow a missing limb? Some can even regrow their whole body just from one single limb. They don't have to have anything else. They can regrow a whole new starfish just from one piece and become something else. You--[He points at Roxas with his ice cream then.]--are kinda like that.
[...and he smiles lightly.] On a scale of one to ten, how freaked out are you by learning all of this? How'd you even find out?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
coexistent) wrote2015-07-03 05:05 pm
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"Some things"? Like...what kind of things?
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It's... kind of complicated.
It's really complicated, actually...
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...the kind of complicated that would make a little more sense with weird ice cream flavors?
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[there's so much Not Good going on with him lately that he just has no idea how to cope like a real person.]
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[If it helps it's not like Hiro knows how to cope half the time either, but he's going to help him. He's already decided that.]
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[free is good, right? why pay for ice cream when he can get them some for free...]
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[There's apparently no argument here. He's already on his way to Roxas and the ice cream parlor and trying to figure out what, exactly, could be wrong with his friend.]
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He's still suspicious of what's going on, sure, but he'll let Roxas go his own pace for once.]
At least you found one way to occupy yourself.
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he scrunches his nose a bit as he looks up at hiro.] Gotta do something to pass the time, right?
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[He's not sure which is better, talking outside where people might overhear or talking inside where they might overhear.]
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[he's pretty sure strangers aren't going to be paying all that much attention to their conversation, and even if they do? they're not really going to get it anyway.
he barely gets it, and it's his own life. but staying in the shop seems like a bad idea—his coworkers are there, after all. and working with someone like leon generally means he's not the most willing to spilling his life story.]
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[it sells pretty well, but it's not flying out of the case or anything. so he'll nod as he motions to stand.] I'll be right back.
[and off he goes into the abyss. or, you know, the shop. it only takes him a couple of minutes anyway before he's back and holding out a bar of sea-salt ice cream for hiro. the benefits at working there are very real.]
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Thanks. [But he's still. Just. Staring at it. And not eating it.] ...so...what exactly happened?
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—okay, maybe roxas doesn't say that, but he is looking on a little expectantly as he takes a bite of his own.
of course, hiro jumps right into the heavier topic, so there's not much time to just savor it. but at least roxas doesn't hesitate to answer, even if his expression shifts pretty quickly, and so done his tone.]
It's a long story... a really long story. [he pauses for a moment, and then admits:] There's a lot most people don't know about me.
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It's hard to say if that flinch is a reaction to the salty taste or what Roxas says, but beyond that he doesn't comment. Wrinkling his nose, he looks at the ice cream again before he focuses again.
Somewhere in the back of his head, he remembers something Mary told him once.
"I've known him as long as I've known you. And I'm not his best friend, but... I want to help him, more than anything. There's just... I can't solve his problems. They're really complicated... "
Is this it? Is this why?]
I always figured there was kind of a reason you never really talked about yourself. But…what kind of things?
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and hiro is another person who deserves to know, right? now that roxas himself understands a little more than he did when he first arrived in cerealia, and now that he also knows the organization aren't an immediate threat on his head if he talks about it.]
I guess... [okay, this is as hard to say as it was when he told mary. maybe even hard, because while he likes and trusts hiro a lot, he also isn't as comfortable with him as he is with her. roxas and his issues, the true life struggle.]
The easiest way to put it is that... I'm not really human. [which is putting it lightly and honestly, he's not even sure if that technically counts as true.]
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Normal people would probably be shocked by the reveal. Normal people would probably have a lot of questions. But Hiro Hamada's been anything but normal most of his life, and the fact that there are several people he's close to in the colony that also aren't human doesn't hurt either.]
...which means what, exactly? You're doing a pretty good job passing off as one. [It's about as non-judgmental as he can make it, but it's something very curious instead.]
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Well, that's... where it gets more complicated. [he says, and that's where roxas sucks in a breath. this is the hard part of telling people what he is.
really, mary's the only person he's told—riku already knows, and when xion was around, she obviously had known too. but it never really came up otherwise and roxas hadn't advertised it at all because he was so wary about sharing it—both because of what people may think, and because he was concerned about the organization being on his tail.
which is a non-issue at this point.]
I'm... a Nobody. Someone who isn't meant to exist. What's left... of a person's body when they lose their heart. [obviously, there's still so much more, including the revelation that has shaken is whole worldview. but what he is or has now doesn't change what he's been for the last year and a half or so, what he's identified as and known himself to be.]
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...that...explains a lot, he thinks, and he pulls the ice cream away and gives Roxas a quizzical frown as he puzzles that out. How can a person live without a heart? Does that make Roxas just a shell of someone else? No, that wouldn't make sense. Roxas is...Roxas.]
But you're your own person. How can you be leftovers from someone else? [He shakes his head.] I get it, someone can lose their heart to the darkness or have it eaten by those Heartless things or whatever but where do you fit into this? [Xion told him a little bit, but nothing like this.]
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I don't know, not really. I don't really know anything about the him... I only exist because of him, but I don't remember anything before I was "born." Other Nobodies remember their original lives, so... it's different.
[he never said this would be easy to make sense of, that's for sure.] All I know is that when he became a heartless, I was "born" a Nobody, just like the others. I don't remember much from then either though, the first... week or so, I was kind of just a zombie. I couldn't even remember people's names even if they told me a hundred times.
[he's his own person now, but he wasn't back then.] The only reasons I can be me now and not him, I think that's because of what I found out a little while back.
[he'll get it all out there eventually. this is still really tough on roxas to talk about, though.]
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Maybe it's not worth remembering if they're not really your memories. What's the point when you can make your own, you know? [Another bite of ice cream.] But...what did you find out anyway?
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[it's something he's struggled with for a while—wanting to know more about sora, wanting to know why he was burdened with the keyblade, wanting to know how and why he has to exist.
but in cerealia, things are a bit different. he has friends that have nothing to do with the organization, the heartless, or that past self. he has a job he has fun with, he has things to look forward to and be excited about, and he has things to fight for that are his own.
the more time he spends away from that life, the more he realizes he doesn't need it. his own best friends had betrayed him or left him; he had nothing to go back to and with all the lies that had been told, would he even want to? he can go to any world he can learn how to get to on his own anyway—so with friends like mary and hiro, he'd much rather press forward and fight for that cause. for his own life, for his own memories... for being himself.]
What I found out, though...
It's true, that Nobodies are born without hearts. We had a reason to fight for them... so we could really exist and have a place to belong. [he sucks in a breath, and then more quietly adds:]
He told me that the body tries to replace a heart is lost, though. That... even though I didn't have one before... Now, I do. Even though my boss and all the other Nobodies said we still didn't. All of us...
[which, for all intents and purposes is a good thing, but it's also a really heavy topic and one he still hasn't totally come to terms with. it's kind of a big deal to learn that everything you've ever known isn't quite true, and something you'd been trained from your earliest memory to attain has been there in a place you couldn't see right inside of you.]
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He doesn't know how many Nobodies Roxas is speaking for, but it sounds like quite a few. He considers that quietly before he speaks in a quieter tone.]
...in a way? Guess that makes sense. [Another small nibble to his ice cream.] Did you know that some species of starfish can regrow a missing limb? Some can even regrow their whole body just from one single limb. They don't have to have anything else. They can regrow a whole new starfish just from one piece and become something else. You--[He points at Roxas with his ice cream then.]--are kinda like that.
[...and he smiles lightly.] On a scale of one to ten, how freaked out are you by learning all of this? How'd you even find out?
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