[ It does feel unfair. And the consternation of it wells up in Xion's chest as she leans against him, frowning sharply at her lap.
"What do we need hearts for?"
Now more than ever she feels that question so keenly. If she can love... if they can feel pain, and anger, and confusion... if they can want things... why do they need hearts in the first place? Was that... just another scam? More wool that Xemnas pulled over their eyes, to try to get them to obey? Could they just be... holding themselves back? Or is she just telling herself this now because she wants to be human? ]
Maybe Axel was wrong. [ She sounds stubborn, and wounded, and tired. ] Maybe Xemnas was wrong too. They didn't always have all the answers. [ When Xion looks up at Roxas, there's fire in her eyes, and she takes one of his hands. ]
Roxas... I don't know if we'll ever get hearts. But maybe... we need to stop waiting.
[ This isn't about Dipper anymore. This is about It feels unfair. ]
Do you think Riku is wrong too? You were quick to side with him before, and... I'm pretty sure he knew it was the same way this whole time.
[there's something almost... hurtful in the way she calls them wrong. it's not like he likes it—there's little he hates more than the idea of being some kid without a heart, some kid who isn't even supposed to exist. but can they really just make that kind of decision?
they can't just.. decide. they can't decide that everyone else who is older and more experienced is wrong (even if he can't trust xemnas' intentions). but this kind of makes him angry.]
...Riku told me something about Xemnas that... makes me believe they're not wrong. [his tone gets a little harsher—there's no doubt that the anger that roxas has been trying to let go of while he's helpless to get the answers he's looking for hasn't left. it's been suppressed, but nothing for him has ever been resolved. roxas has no closure on things.]
It's not... it's not like I want to wait either. But what are we supposed to do? We can't just... take any heart. We can't take people's hearts at all. There's no Heartless. There's no Kingdom Hearts...
I hate it too. I want answers. But what are we supposed to do, Xion? [there's a chance that the situation with mary has escalated this a bit too. he's been struggling for the better part of three months with things trying to understand her, and understand the things that he simply can't without a heart.
but he still feels things, doesn't he? what does it mean? what does it mean to feel things without a heart?
it's frustrating. it's frustrating, and now he's just getting mad about it.]
[ Xion sits up straight, offended and angry now herself. ] Don't bring Riku into this! That's different!
[ Of course it was different. She knew so little then. At least, that's what it feels like. It feels like twisting the knife to bring Riku into a conversation that should be about the two of them, anyway, and her hurt anger is on her face. ]
And what makes you think I want to take someone's heart?! That's an awful thing to think! I don't want to take anyone's hearts! Why do you think I said to set Kingdom Hearts free?! [ That's an unfair thing to bring up, too, but now she's not thinking, just lashing out instead. ] All I'm saying is, why do we need hearts if we already feel things?! I know what I feel, Roxas! No one can take that away from me! Not Axel, or Saix, or Xemnas! Or you! Maybe you can all think I'm some silly, stupid little Replica for that, but that doesn't change how I feel!
[ She stands up, pacing away from his bed, her head bowed. ]
... I don't know what we're supposed to do. I'm just tired of waiting for answers we're never going to get.
If you know what you feel, then why are you asking me? I can't know what you feel... I don't even know what I feel.
[he can't even fight the rest. it's too ridiculous to him to argue back every point when he's this angry. what else was he supposed to think when she's talking about hearts? this is all they've ever been taught. collect hearts. complete kingdom hearts.
maybe even freeing it to get their own hearts. he doesn't know. and the fact she brings up being a replica makes him even more angry, since the insinuation is just completely off-base. and xion should know that, considering he's never once even acknowledged her as anything but a friend and a fellow nobody. it's insulting. they're supposed to be best friends, and she's saying that?
naturally, it launches roxas into that rage-fueled side of him that doesn't do a single thing rationally, so he stands up—completely tense and seething with anger from her words... and opens up a corridor.]
Why don't you just go use your feelings to find your answers then? Since you know so much about them! [this solves nothing.
this solves absolutely nothing, and while he's going to be riddled with regret and brooding about this for a long time. but for now, he's too angry, so he'll just disappear into the corridor to who-knows-where.
it's likely he'll just sit somewhere and try to figure out what the hell just happened, though part of him wants to go somewhere—anywhere—just to hit something. he's angry, he's hurt, and he's confused... but he doesn't think he can even keep looking at xion right now after the words they've exchanged.]
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coexistent) wrote2015-07-03 05:05 pm
no subject
[ It does feel unfair. And the consternation of it wells up in Xion's chest as she leans against him, frowning sharply at her lap.
"What do we need hearts for?"
Now more than ever she feels that question so keenly. If she can love... if they can feel pain, and anger, and confusion... if they can want things... why do they need hearts in the first place? Was that... just another scam? More wool that Xemnas pulled over their eyes, to try to get them to obey? Could they just be... holding themselves back? Or is she just telling herself this now because she wants to be human? ]
Maybe Axel was wrong. [ She sounds stubborn, and wounded, and tired. ] Maybe Xemnas was wrong too. They didn't always have all the answers. [ When Xion looks up at Roxas, there's fire in her eyes, and she takes one of his hands. ]
Roxas... I don't know if we'll ever get hearts. But maybe... we need to stop waiting.
[ This isn't about Dipper anymore. This is about It feels unfair. ]
no subject
[there's something almost... hurtful in the way she calls them wrong. it's not like he likes it—there's little he hates more than the idea of being some kid without a heart, some kid who isn't even supposed to exist. but can they really just make that kind of decision?
they can't just.. decide. they can't decide that everyone else who is older and more experienced is wrong (even if he can't trust xemnas' intentions). but this kind of makes him angry.]
...Riku told me something about Xemnas that... makes me believe they're not wrong. [his tone gets a little harsher—there's no doubt that the anger that roxas has been trying to let go of while he's helpless to get the answers he's looking for hasn't left. it's been suppressed, but nothing for him has ever been resolved. roxas has no closure on things.]
It's not... it's not like I want to wait either. But what are we supposed to do? We can't just... take any heart. We can't take people's hearts at all. There's no Heartless. There's no Kingdom Hearts...
I hate it too. I want answers. But what are we supposed to do, Xion? [there's a chance that the situation with mary has escalated this a bit too. he's been struggling for the better part of three months with things trying to understand her, and understand the things that he simply can't without a heart.
but he still feels things, doesn't he? what does it mean? what does it mean to feel things without a heart?
it's frustrating. it's frustrating, and now he's just getting mad about it.]
no subject
[ Xion sits up straight, offended and angry now herself. ] Don't bring Riku into this! That's different!
[ Of course it was different. She knew so little then. At least, that's what it feels like. It feels like twisting the knife to bring Riku into a conversation that should be about the two of them, anyway, and her hurt anger is on her face. ]
And what makes you think I want to take someone's heart?! That's an awful thing to think! I don't want to take anyone's hearts! Why do you think I said to set Kingdom Hearts free?! [ That's an unfair thing to bring up, too, but now she's not thinking, just lashing out instead. ] All I'm saying is, why do we need hearts if we already feel things?! I know what I feel, Roxas! No one can take that away from me! Not Axel, or Saix, or Xemnas! Or you! Maybe you can all think I'm some silly, stupid little Replica for that, but that doesn't change how I feel!
[ She stands up, pacing away from his bed, her head bowed. ]
... I don't know what we're supposed to do. I'm just tired of waiting for answers we're never going to get.
no subject
[he can't even fight the rest. it's too ridiculous to him to argue back every point when he's this angry. what else was he supposed to think when she's talking about hearts? this is all they've ever been taught. collect hearts. complete kingdom hearts.
maybe even freeing it to get their own hearts. he doesn't know. and the fact she brings up being a replica makes him even more angry, since the insinuation is just completely off-base. and xion should know that, considering he's never once even acknowledged her as anything but a friend and a fellow nobody. it's insulting. they're supposed to be best friends, and she's saying that?
naturally, it launches roxas into that rage-fueled side of him that doesn't do a single thing rationally, so he stands up—completely tense and seething with anger from her words... and opens up a corridor.]
Why don't you just go use your feelings to find your answers then? Since you know so much about them! [this solves nothing.
this solves absolutely nothing, and while he's going to be riddled with regret and brooding about this for a long time. but for now, he's too angry, so he'll just disappear into the corridor to who-knows-where.
it's likely he'll just sit somewhere and try to figure out what the hell just happened, though part of him wants to go somewhere—anywhere—just to hit something. he's angry, he's hurt, and he's confused... but he doesn't think he can even keep looking at xion right now after the words they've exchanged.]